I feel like I'm reuniting with an old friend as I sign into this account. I was thinking the other day about how much I miss writing, and how I've been so busy with everything going on in my life, currently, that I haven't had time to stop and smell the roses, Per say..
It's 7:39 am on the morning of Thursday, October 11th of 2012. It's 10/11/12! Just realized that. haha! I can't believe how long it's been since I last wrote. If you look it says, March 2011. I'm not going to start this post, with a long drawn out story about whats gone on in the last year and a half. But since I did decide to put up a new entry, once I logged in to my account, I checked out some of my old posts.. Just to be reminiscent and see where I was. Needless to say, life is completely different.
To sum it up, Last post I was living and working in La Quinta, Ca.. Just outside of Palm Springs. I moved there once I returned to the US from living abroad in Holland. Now, I'm living with my man in San Diego. We have a really cute place. It's small.. It's needed a lot of work, but it's ours. It's homey, and comfy and recently, we just added a new addition to our little Pauling- Gerlach family! About 3 weeks ago I adopted a kitten, and she's the love of our lives. Kyle was very hesitant towards the idea, But I just brought her home one day and It was love at first sight... Even though he's never admit it. Haha! I'm sure you'll hear more about her later. I've also been working at Starbucks for a year. I transferred from my store in Palm Desert to my new store. It took me a while to adjust, but now I feel comfortable there. It's always hard going into a new job, or when you transfer jobs to a new location. It's like the first say of school. You don't wanna talk to anyone and you just wanna get your work done.
My store is one of a kind, to say the least. 90% of our customers, are regulars.. Who come to our store every day, order the same thing, at the same time everyday, and then sit in THEIR chairs, and wait for their friends to show up, and the cycle starts all over. So we all have different relationships with different regulars.. Based on who comes in most during your typical shifts. It's fun. I like the people I work with. I like our customers, I like our manager.. But it's still a job. I'd rather win the lottery and move away to Indonesia.
Recently, I've made a commitment to myself. To better my life, My health, and myself. (Recently being within the last 2 1/2 months). I began a transformation, and that's an understatement.. I bought a gym membership, I got some new running shoes, and I started moving. I got tired with waking up, looking in the mirror every day and wishing I looked like someone else. So I made a decision to change my routine and my eating habits. As soon as I did that, What do you know.. Weight started coming off. As of this day, I have lost 30 pounds. And I feel amazing. I'm not done yet.. I have a while to go. But I'm not stressing myself on it. I'm trying to make this enjoyable so I wake up every day just as excited as I was the first day. I look forward to going to the gym every day.
I never thought I'd be able to go as far as I have.. And at this point all I have in mind is my ultimate goal. Which, every day.. Seems so much closer. So much more attainable! I have to admit though, It's hard work. Much harder than you'd think. It's going to the gym 6/7 days a week no matter how tired you are. Changing your eating habits, Building your self control, and ultimately.. They'll all work together and you'll find that you're leading a much healthier, happier life style. The reason I'm writing about this is so I can keep track of how i'm doing mentally. I have my calorie counters ad my gym charts and all that crap.. But I have to keep myself motivated.
I'm not saying that I'm some sort of fitness guru all of a sudden or anything.. But I am a 21 year old, who has a goal; something that she wants more than anything. That 'something' is a big deal to me, and it's a matter of living a long healthy happy life, or dying of a heart attack at 40! I wasn't 400 pounds guys, no where near it.. But I wasn't setting myself up for success. And now, I can say that I am! and It feels so good.
So from now on, every day or every other day, I'm going to get on here after I go to the gym, and shower and have all my ducks in a row.. And I'm gonna get back to the little things that I love so much. Write me. Talk to me. Tell me how you feel about what I write, or of similar stories. I love your feedback. Always have, and always will.
I'll write soon! <3
Gina XO
Thursday, October 11, 2012
Tuesday, May 24, 2011
A Movable Feast
At what point in ones life, does the fun stop? and the even bigger question here is; WHY does it stop? As one gets older, and less oblivious, certain aspects of life emerge that we've never seen before. Primarily because we were too young, and ignorant to notice said things, but also because we didn't know what those aspects were before. An incredibly brilliant man, and probably my favorite literary writers, Ernest Hemingway once wrote an excerpt on F. Scott Fitzgerald for his own memoir. The relationship that Fitzgerald, and Hemingway shared was a tad erratic. He has been savaged as a jealous ingrate for his description of Fitzgerald in his memoir, A Movable Feast. However, despite the picture that emerges of Fitzgerald as erratic and insecure, I believe the love and respect Hemingway held for the slightly older writer comes through..
Hemingway wrote, "His talent was as natural as the pattern that was made by the dust on a butterfly's wings. At one time he understood it no more than the butterfly did and he did not know when it was brushed or marred. Later he became conscious of his damaged wings and of their construction and he learned to think and could not fly any more because the love of flight was gone and he could only remember when it had been effortless."
If you think about it, what Hemingway said was on the money. Ignorance is bliss.. When one does not know how things are supposed to be, they are not a good judge of right and wrong, correct? As a child you're learning everyday.. And as you get older, you have your parents, and teachers, and other adults there to help guide you along your trip to adult-hood. They are there to teach you right and wrong, to show you how to function as a productive individual, and set up the ground layers for you to build your foundation on! Everything when you're little is wonderful! But now, me not being so little anymore, I wake up everyday, with some sort of new challenge! Some days are fantastic, some days are terrible, and it's just an endless cycle.. You hear all the time, when people notice you're in a bad mood, " Shit happens!" or, "That's life!" But i'm tired of hearing that.. What is there for people to do to change that? To make it so that every day you wake up is a wonderful day? Does it have to do with your job? Does it have to do with your outlook on life? With family? with friends? I know it's a mesh of all of the factors listed above. It's pretty hard to not have one without the other, but.. What is the epicenter of the problem?
I believe it has to do with you own personal outlook on life.. I've been enlightened recently! And i'm happy to announce that. When i look back on the past, year or so for myself, it's been insane. From college and working in California, to Living and traveling around Europe! Then the accident, then coming back to California, and starting all over with this new challenge (My arm) that just so happens to be permanently connected to my person. (Well, I'm about ready to cut if off so we'll see how that goes HAHA!) And Now i'm moved out of Murrieta, and working and trying to start over, and make a name for myself in another new city! So i'm stoked! And I've been waking up like that everyday.. Excited, and ready to go to work, and then whatever else happens throughout the day happens! But I've been welcoming it.. And the happier I am, the more I notice how miserable a lot of people are around me! WHY IS THAT?! I talked to a woman the other day, who when she saw me I smiled at her.. She looked at me and went, "What are you so happy for? Comin' in here all smiley!" I told her I was just in a good mood, and she said "Yeaaa.. Well you obviously have a lot of grow'n to do. You won't be happy when you're 40 baby."
I don't really know why, but that really bothered me! I want to be happy when i'm 40! I don't wanna be like her! Every man/woman's life ends the same way.. It's only the details of how they lived, and how they died that sets them apart!=. I want MY own person difference, to be astronomical. I want to wake up knowing that I'm not wasting my day, or my time, or my life! Which, is sll pretty much all be the same thing. Furthermore, I don't want to waste any of it! Nor do I want any of you to waste it. Time is a beautiful thing, and you only get once chance to really.. LIVE. So do it! Go live. Go be happy.. Do what makes you happy, not what makes other people happy.
I've found a new way of looking at everything.. I'm starting to look at everything, and anything, as if i'm seeing it for the first time. Surprisingly, it's working out wonderfully. It puts a lot of excitement back into things for me! For a while everything was getting pretty bland, and boring , and drab. But, not anymore.. Look at everything as if you've never seen it before. Learn to appreciate every little thing, no matter how inconsequent. No matter how insignificant you once thought it was, try and find the beauty in it. Stop focusing on the negatives, and learn to appreciate the positives for what they are.. I know this was kinda random, But i've just been dealing with a lot of negative ass people this week! I'm tired of it. I fixed myself, now it's time for everyone else to see that they can fix the problem, too!
It's 1:30 am, and I should be asleep, but.. Surprise, Surprise.. I'm not. I think i'm gonna shower then bed. I have an interview at the Cheesecake Factory tomorrow! So that would be a cool 2nd job :) Anyway.. I'm gonna try and go to bed now. Got a lot to look forward to this week, and for the rest of the month!
Have a good day/ Night you guys!
<3 XO
Hemingway wrote, "His talent was as natural as the pattern that was made by the dust on a butterfly's wings. At one time he understood it no more than the butterfly did and he did not know when it was brushed or marred. Later he became conscious of his damaged wings and of their construction and he learned to think and could not fly any more because the love of flight was gone and he could only remember when it had been effortless."
If you think about it, what Hemingway said was on the money. Ignorance is bliss.. When one does not know how things are supposed to be, they are not a good judge of right and wrong, correct? As a child you're learning everyday.. And as you get older, you have your parents, and teachers, and other adults there to help guide you along your trip to adult-hood. They are there to teach you right and wrong, to show you how to function as a productive individual, and set up the ground layers for you to build your foundation on! Everything when you're little is wonderful! But now, me not being so little anymore, I wake up everyday, with some sort of new challenge! Some days are fantastic, some days are terrible, and it's just an endless cycle.. You hear all the time, when people notice you're in a bad mood, " Shit happens!" or, "That's life!" But i'm tired of hearing that.. What is there for people to do to change that? To make it so that every day you wake up is a wonderful day? Does it have to do with your job? Does it have to do with your outlook on life? With family? with friends? I know it's a mesh of all of the factors listed above. It's pretty hard to not have one without the other, but.. What is the epicenter of the problem?
I believe it has to do with you own personal outlook on life.. I've been enlightened recently! And i'm happy to announce that. When i look back on the past, year or so for myself, it's been insane. From college and working in California, to Living and traveling around Europe! Then the accident, then coming back to California, and starting all over with this new challenge (My arm) that just so happens to be permanently connected to my person. (Well, I'm about ready to cut if off so we'll see how that goes HAHA!) And Now i'm moved out of Murrieta, and working and trying to start over, and make a name for myself in another new city! So i'm stoked! And I've been waking up like that everyday.. Excited, and ready to go to work, and then whatever else happens throughout the day happens! But I've been welcoming it.. And the happier I am, the more I notice how miserable a lot of people are around me! WHY IS THAT?! I talked to a woman the other day, who when she saw me I smiled at her.. She looked at me and went, "What are you so happy for? Comin' in here all smiley!" I told her I was just in a good mood, and she said "Yeaaa.. Well you obviously have a lot of grow'n to do. You won't be happy when you're 40 baby."
I don't really know why, but that really bothered me! I want to be happy when i'm 40! I don't wanna be like her! Every man/woman's life ends the same way.. It's only the details of how they lived, and how they died that sets them apart!=. I want MY own person difference, to be astronomical. I want to wake up knowing that I'm not wasting my day, or my time, or my life! Which, is sll pretty much all be the same thing. Furthermore, I don't want to waste any of it! Nor do I want any of you to waste it. Time is a beautiful thing, and you only get once chance to really.. LIVE. So do it! Go live. Go be happy.. Do what makes you happy, not what makes other people happy.
I've found a new way of looking at everything.. I'm starting to look at everything, and anything, as if i'm seeing it for the first time. Surprisingly, it's working out wonderfully. It puts a lot of excitement back into things for me! For a while everything was getting pretty bland, and boring , and drab. But, not anymore.. Look at everything as if you've never seen it before. Learn to appreciate every little thing, no matter how inconsequent. No matter how insignificant you once thought it was, try and find the beauty in it. Stop focusing on the negatives, and learn to appreciate the positives for what they are.. I know this was kinda random, But i've just been dealing with a lot of negative ass people this week! I'm tired of it. I fixed myself, now it's time for everyone else to see that they can fix the problem, too!
It's 1:30 am, and I should be asleep, but.. Surprise, Surprise.. I'm not. I think i'm gonna shower then bed. I have an interview at the Cheesecake Factory tomorrow! So that would be a cool 2nd job :) Anyway.. I'm gonna try and go to bed now. Got a lot to look forward to this week, and for the rest of the month!
Have a good day/ Night you guys!
<3 XO
Monday, May 9, 2011
Last night I dreamed that it rained, and nobody complained
Woke up this morning with A song stuck in my head; Stay or Leave by The Dave Matthews Band, I suggest you listen to it. and Really listen. It's a beautiful song, but the reason I had it stuck in my head, was because it was in my dream.. There was a "certain person"who is to remain un-named ;) hahah Well this person, was singing it to me.. And because of who this person was, It kinda stands out. Have you ever had that moment, where you have this.. one, strong, set idea in mind. and You are so confidant in it, and so so so sure of it, then the smallest. most ridiculous, little thing can set you all off balance? I really hate that. Really. ugh
I've been having a lot of strange dreams lately, Like I said in my last post. They just keep getting weirder! Like, Driving a limo half way off a cliff, only to jump out, and off this cliff.. Then seeing yourself fall for about 5 minutes straight, and riggghhht before you hit the water BAM! you woke up. But on your way down you had a pretty significant conversation! But, it has absolutely nothing to do with what is happening in the dream. My family is telling me it's because of what i've been eating before bed. But, I know that's a load of crap. I'm not eating anything before bed, and i changed my diet completely! And they're STILL happening. Oh well. We'll see :)
But for that song? It's weird! I haven't been able to shake it off all day. "Stay or leave, I want you not to go but you should.. It was good, as good goes! Stay or leave I want you not to go but you did. So what to do, with the rest of the day's afternoon haze. Isn't it strange how we change everything we did. Did I do all that I could, that I should have done.. " Did I do all that I could have done? AM i CONTINUING to do all that I CAN do? No. And I realized that after a conversation last night, and after some thought this morning. But that's going to change.
I need to make a fairly large decision this week. and to be honest, I'm scared. Because it can either make an easy left turn, or a brutal right. I've been putting it off for quite some time now. I'm scared. And I really have nothing to be scared of, which is the ridiculous part. I'm Gina Marie Pauling, and I'm never scared of anything........ Or that's what I keep telling myself. Then this situation arises and i'm running to the hills! Doing anything I can to avoid this. It's all about comfort zones! Pushing yourself out of your box, and allowing yourself to take a chance. CHANGE. Right? Isn't that the word the nation and the rest of the world is trying to focus on? C.H.A.N.G.E. But what does change really mean? To what extent, does change actually.. well what do you have to do to REALLY change something? Change a normal routine for yourself? Like.. Instead of watching tv after dinner, you go on a walk. Okay.. That's not good enough. Changinggg your attitude towards your coworkers, classmates, people you happen to run into daily, to try and make a difference? No. Still not powerful enough. Because what happens of you don't make those changes? NOTHING! you're in the same spot. You're still gonna be sitting on your ass watching tv. and your co workers are still gonna hate you.
I'm talking about, making a change for yourself.. that is going to fix your problem. In this case my problem. I'm in Limbo! and I don't doubt for a second that there are a few of you reading this who are thinking... "Yea, well shit. Me too! What do I do?!" Do something, that is going to really effect your life. Do something, to where.. Once it's done, you no longer HAVE that option of going back to that zone of "LIMBO." Make it so, you say to yourself "Okay... I want to go left. But if this doesn't work out, then right is my only option, and I'm gonna make it work." DIVE IN HEAD FIRST. And that's what I'm gonna do.. I make this sound like a big deal, because it is! The impact it will have is big, but the action is as little as talking to someone.. Which, I'm gonna do this week.
Tomorrow I think i'm going to be going back to the desert, I get my work schedule, and This week i'm going to be looking for a second job. Preferably a 9-5 somewhere so I can leave where I work now, and have a full time, well paying job. I hate this. I need to win the lottery so I can just spend the rest of my life traveling around the world, with my Weimaraner Jake, and my siblings. Doesn't that sound perfect? Well.. It might not to you, but that's my dream. Pick up and leave.. Not return for months at a time. Sounds beautiful.
I've had a nice two days home. It's always a little relief to come back.. I'm not even really sure where my home is anymore. They say home is where the heart is, right? But.. What is you're heart is torn between 4 different places? If that's the case, then My home is LA, with Adriana. Murrieta with my Immediate family. The desert, with my work and family, and San Diego.. With everything else <3 I really don't know where my home is, But imma figure it out soon :) I promise you that. anyway, It's almost 1 am, and I need to go to sleep.. Or, try at least. I'll write more soon.
Slaap Lekker loves <3
XOXOGina
I've been having a lot of strange dreams lately, Like I said in my last post. They just keep getting weirder! Like, Driving a limo half way off a cliff, only to jump out, and off this cliff.. Then seeing yourself fall for about 5 minutes straight, and riggghhht before you hit the water BAM! you woke up. But on your way down you had a pretty significant conversation! But, it has absolutely nothing to do with what is happening in the dream. My family is telling me it's because of what i've been eating before bed. But, I know that's a load of crap. I'm not eating anything before bed, and i changed my diet completely! And they're STILL happening. Oh well. We'll see :)
But for that song? It's weird! I haven't been able to shake it off all day. "Stay or leave, I want you not to go but you should.. It was good, as good goes! Stay or leave I want you not to go but you did. So what to do, with the rest of the day's afternoon haze. Isn't it strange how we change everything we did. Did I do all that I could, that I should have done.. " Did I do all that I could have done? AM i CONTINUING to do all that I CAN do? No. And I realized that after a conversation last night, and after some thought this morning. But that's going to change.
I need to make a fairly large decision this week. and to be honest, I'm scared. Because it can either make an easy left turn, or a brutal right. I've been putting it off for quite some time now. I'm scared. And I really have nothing to be scared of, which is the ridiculous part. I'm Gina Marie Pauling, and I'm never scared of anything........ Or that's what I keep telling myself. Then this situation arises and i'm running to the hills! Doing anything I can to avoid this. It's all about comfort zones! Pushing yourself out of your box, and allowing yourself to take a chance. CHANGE. Right? Isn't that the word the nation and the rest of the world is trying to focus on? C.H.A.N.G.E. But what does change really mean? To what extent, does change actually.. well what do you have to do to REALLY change something? Change a normal routine for yourself? Like.. Instead of watching tv after dinner, you go on a walk. Okay.. That's not good enough. Changinggg your attitude towards your coworkers, classmates, people you happen to run into daily, to try and make a difference? No. Still not powerful enough. Because what happens of you don't make those changes? NOTHING! you're in the same spot. You're still gonna be sitting on your ass watching tv. and your co workers are still gonna hate you.
I'm talking about, making a change for yourself.. that is going to fix your problem. In this case my problem. I'm in Limbo! and I don't doubt for a second that there are a few of you reading this who are thinking... "Yea, well shit. Me too! What do I do?!" Do something, that is going to really effect your life. Do something, to where.. Once it's done, you no longer HAVE that option of going back to that zone of "LIMBO." Make it so, you say to yourself "Okay... I want to go left. But if this doesn't work out, then right is my only option, and I'm gonna make it work." DIVE IN HEAD FIRST. And that's what I'm gonna do.. I make this sound like a big deal, because it is! The impact it will have is big, but the action is as little as talking to someone.. Which, I'm gonna do this week.
Tomorrow I think i'm going to be going back to the desert, I get my work schedule, and This week i'm going to be looking for a second job. Preferably a 9-5 somewhere so I can leave where I work now, and have a full time, well paying job. I hate this. I need to win the lottery so I can just spend the rest of my life traveling around the world, with my Weimaraner Jake, and my siblings. Doesn't that sound perfect? Well.. It might not to you, but that's my dream. Pick up and leave.. Not return for months at a time. Sounds beautiful.
I've had a nice two days home. It's always a little relief to come back.. I'm not even really sure where my home is anymore. They say home is where the heart is, right? But.. What is you're heart is torn between 4 different places? If that's the case, then My home is LA, with Adriana. Murrieta with my Immediate family. The desert, with my work and family, and San Diego.. With everything else <3 I really don't know where my home is, But imma figure it out soon :) I promise you that. anyway, It's almost 1 am, and I need to go to sleep.. Or, try at least. I'll write more soon.
Slaap Lekker loves <3
XOXOGina
Saturday, May 7, 2011
3 months late, and a dollar short $
Tomorrow (the 8th) Is exactly three months that I haven't posted anything. I know, I've been horrible. I'm sorry.. But Everything has been insane around here! For one, I moved to the desert. I'm living in La Quinta, California now! Well, When i'm not with my family back in Murrieta that is. It's kinda like. for every 5 days I spend here, I spend 2 at home. Ya digg? Also, I'm working at Forever 21, in the Palm Desert mall! So if you wanna come buy some stuff for me, it would be greatly appreciated ;) hahah But really.. It's a nice change. I love the desert, My heart has always been torn between the desert, and San Diego. I figure i should give them both a try, to see which one I prefer! So, BAM! Here I am.
I'm sitting outside on the patio right now. It's 1:13 am and I can't sleep. My arm is killing me. So i decided I would write, since I haven't in so long. I love this place.. And It's not even as much to where I can put it into words. You have to experience this for yourself. During the day, Yes.. It does have a tendency to get a little warm. But who spends all day outside?? No. Most people have jobs. or do productive things indoors for the majority of the day! I happen to like the heat. The hotter the better! Especially, after 14* weather in Holland for so long. I could use a little sunshine, Or a lot. hahah It's still warm out. I'm in shorts and a tank top, in the middle of the night and it's beautiful. At a certain time of day here, the mountains that surround my house turn Blue.. Yes, Blue! They aren't like Murrieta Mountains. These are rocky, and much larger. You see all kindsa cool animals running all over them if you get close enough. Rams, birds, lizards, and the occasional mountain lion........ ugh. Around 7, when the sun starts to go down they become blue, and fade to black as night sets in. You can always see the top of them.. It appears that the sun never fully goes down because there is always a faint blue glow from the opposite sides of the ridge. The air smells like honeysuckles, since the flowers are everywhere out here. It's smelled like this for as long as I can remember. and when the darkness consumes, the desert birds, and bugs come out. You can hear the loud clicking of the locusts, and the chirping of the crickets, While on the other end you're hearing owls, and other birds I can't really Identify. I'm sitting staring at the stars.. It's really beautiful. You can't see stars like this anywhere else. And it seem that the longer you sit and stare, the more that appear..
Have you ever heard of those people who go "hunting for aliens" out in the middle of the desert? They make weird hats out of tin foil, and will camp out for days on end waiting for an invasion, that they swear is going to happen? Now I see why they come out here! It's silent, and you can see every star in the North, western hemisphere.
Things have been moving so fast recently, I can hardly keep up. But i'm beginning to realise that that's the game in itself. Trying to keep up. Those who can, thrive, those who can't.. Flounder, and fail. I'm trying my hardest to be the first of the two. Continuing to be a productive human being, day by day, and leaving those who aren't behind. I enjoy waking up, and going to work, then coming home only to run errands, make dinner, go to the gym, shower, go see some friends, come home, watch a movie, and go to bed. It's busy. just the way I like it. Idle hands are the devils playground, they say, right? It's true.. and I'm tired of being bored with the way things are. I want to wake up everyday and be so stoked about what i'm doing! At this point, what i'm doing is working.. and i'm fine with that for now. I am kinda in limbo when it comes to school, though. Just to be honest. I really hate school.. There are just so many other things that I could rather myself be doing! Like... NOT being in a classroom listening to a monotone, unenthusiastic, dried up, old hag of a teacher teach you about something that they, themselves cannot even do. But that's what's the norm i guess. Go to school, get a piece of paper that says you wastes thousands of dollars, and countless hours of you time learning about something that isn't really going to make you money, or make you happy.. So I guess that's the next step. I was always good at school.. Especially English. Math? Forget it. But English I loved. I just don't really have a firm grasp on what it is i want to do. Is that normal? Is being almost 20 like a cutoff mark for your uncertainties? Orrrrr have I been allotted a little more time? I sure as hell hope so.. Because If so, Imma have to get on this shit ASAP. hahah
Quite frankly, I kinda just want to go live under a rock.. And stay there for a while. Just seclude myself for days.. maybe a month? Grab nothing more than a backpack filled with necessary items, and a tent and run off to Indonesia for a month or two. Travel around, meet people, see things. That sounds perfect. I will do that one day.. Hopefully. Speaking of seclusion, I went to Whitewater the other day. For those of you who don't know what, or where it is.. It's beautiful.. and it's this little dirt road that you take about 4 miles back, and it places you in the middle of some of the most beautiful scenery California has to offer. There is a river, that fills up around this time of the year with the water from the snow run off.. It's awesome. I was there for probably 5 hours.. Did just about 6 miles by the time I left, and literally sat in the water, in the sun, for probably 3 hours. hahah it was fantastic. The water was cold, and fast, and I figured why not? Who was going to say anything? There wasn't ANYONE for quite a while, and it was hot. So in i went! it was so nice. Got some sick tan lines, and ended up getting my car all wet, and sandy.. But it was worth it. :) I loved every minute of it.
Well, it's practically 2 am. I think I need to go to bed soon, or I should at least attempt. Sunday is mothers day, and tomorrow, Saturday, I am going back home to Murrieta for the holiday so I can spend it with my family. I'm excited :) Now, off to bed. I promise im going to start writing these more. I need to. It makes me feel better!
I'm sitting outside on the patio right now. It's 1:13 am and I can't sleep. My arm is killing me. So i decided I would write, since I haven't in so long. I love this place.. And It's not even as much to where I can put it into words. You have to experience this for yourself. During the day, Yes.. It does have a tendency to get a little warm. But who spends all day outside?? No. Most people have jobs. or do productive things indoors for the majority of the day! I happen to like the heat. The hotter the better! Especially, after 14* weather in Holland for so long. I could use a little sunshine, Or a lot. hahah It's still warm out. I'm in shorts and a tank top, in the middle of the night and it's beautiful. At a certain time of day here, the mountains that surround my house turn Blue.. Yes, Blue! They aren't like Murrieta Mountains. These are rocky, and much larger. You see all kindsa cool animals running all over them if you get close enough. Rams, birds, lizards, and the occasional mountain lion........ ugh. Around 7, when the sun starts to go down they become blue, and fade to black as night sets in. You can always see the top of them.. It appears that the sun never fully goes down because there is always a faint blue glow from the opposite sides of the ridge. The air smells like honeysuckles, since the flowers are everywhere out here. It's smelled like this for as long as I can remember. and when the darkness consumes, the desert birds, and bugs come out. You can hear the loud clicking of the locusts, and the chirping of the crickets, While on the other end you're hearing owls, and other birds I can't really Identify. I'm sitting staring at the stars.. It's really beautiful. You can't see stars like this anywhere else. And it seem that the longer you sit and stare, the more that appear..
Have you ever heard of those people who go "hunting for aliens" out in the middle of the desert? They make weird hats out of tin foil, and will camp out for days on end waiting for an invasion, that they swear is going to happen? Now I see why they come out here! It's silent, and you can see every star in the North, western hemisphere.
Things have been moving so fast recently, I can hardly keep up. But i'm beginning to realise that that's the game in itself. Trying to keep up. Those who can, thrive, those who can't.. Flounder, and fail. I'm trying my hardest to be the first of the two. Continuing to be a productive human being, day by day, and leaving those who aren't behind. I enjoy waking up, and going to work, then coming home only to run errands, make dinner, go to the gym, shower, go see some friends, come home, watch a movie, and go to bed. It's busy. just the way I like it. Idle hands are the devils playground, they say, right? It's true.. and I'm tired of being bored with the way things are. I want to wake up everyday and be so stoked about what i'm doing! At this point, what i'm doing is working.. and i'm fine with that for now. I am kinda in limbo when it comes to school, though. Just to be honest. I really hate school.. There are just so many other things that I could rather myself be doing! Like... NOT being in a classroom listening to a monotone, unenthusiastic, dried up, old hag of a teacher teach you about something that they, themselves cannot even do. But that's what's the norm i guess. Go to school, get a piece of paper that says you wastes thousands of dollars, and countless hours of you time learning about something that isn't really going to make you money, or make you happy.. So I guess that's the next step. I was always good at school.. Especially English. Math? Forget it. But English I loved. I just don't really have a firm grasp on what it is i want to do. Is that normal? Is being almost 20 like a cutoff mark for your uncertainties? Orrrrr have I been allotted a little more time? I sure as hell hope so.. Because If so, Imma have to get on this shit ASAP. hahah
Quite frankly, I kinda just want to go live under a rock.. And stay there for a while. Just seclude myself for days.. maybe a month? Grab nothing more than a backpack filled with necessary items, and a tent and run off to Indonesia for a month or two. Travel around, meet people, see things. That sounds perfect. I will do that one day.. Hopefully. Speaking of seclusion, I went to Whitewater the other day. For those of you who don't know what, or where it is.. It's beautiful.. and it's this little dirt road that you take about 4 miles back, and it places you in the middle of some of the most beautiful scenery California has to offer. There is a river, that fills up around this time of the year with the water from the snow run off.. It's awesome. I was there for probably 5 hours.. Did just about 6 miles by the time I left, and literally sat in the water, in the sun, for probably 3 hours. hahah it was fantastic. The water was cold, and fast, and I figured why not? Who was going to say anything? There wasn't ANYONE for quite a while, and it was hot. So in i went! it was so nice. Got some sick tan lines, and ended up getting my car all wet, and sandy.. But it was worth it. :) I loved every minute of it.
Well, it's practically 2 am. I think I need to go to bed soon, or I should at least attempt. Sunday is mothers day, and tomorrow, Saturday, I am going back home to Murrieta for the holiday so I can spend it with my family. I'm excited :) Now, off to bed. I promise im going to start writing these more. I need to. It makes me feel better!
Tuesday, February 8, 2011
Youngies, and Druggies with the Pretties and the Uglies..
It's Monday. Late afternoon, and I'm sitting in my room watching the sun shine through the palm fronds, as it makes shapes on my floor through my balcony doors. I just got home about 2 hours ago from my adventure in Los Angeles this weekend, with my wonderful sister Adriana. :D I really had a very good time. I got to spend time with my favorite person, and I also had the opportunity to meet a lot of new faces; Some who i can see will be great friends. This weekend opened up another window for me. It let me see things that i had never previously considered, in a new light. I have been so stressed since i got home; Worrying about Jobs, and school.. and this arm business. But this weekend i finally got to relax. LA feels like home to me. But so does San Diego, and the Desert. It might be because Adriana's there, but whatever the reason being, I was in my element with some good people.
this week, I am going to be getting everything straightened out with my car. So, hopefully, I am going to be able to go out and be productive! By looking for a job, and finally having my freedom back. I never really lost it, it's just difficult to rely on everyone else for rides. That drives me crazy. I hate when people drive me! hahah I get super antsy. I know.. It's a control problem, which i am trying to control!
It's not Monday afternoon anymore. It's Tuesday night. I stopped writing for whatever reason, but here i am! I've been home practically all day today. But i had a lot of work to do. I'm trying to make extra money here and there since I don't have a job at the moment. Writing papers, and working on shoes. I need a job. I'd enlist, but they wouldn't take me because my eyes are so terrible. Now that i have a bionic arm, they REALLY won't take me. Talking about long term commitments though, I have been considering making one. But something more serious in terms of a career. That's something I'm gonna keep to myself until i figure it out. As soon as i say it, everyone going to go crazy.. That i know for sure. I can see it now! Everyone getting their hope up. We'll see how it plays out :) For now I'm just letting it happen.
I'm listening to Wolves in the Garden, by The Deadly Syndrome, And i was just sitting and thinking while it was playing. This song reminds me of my time in Paris.. Walking through the empty dark streets as the sun was slowly disappearing. Clueless as to where i was, but so comfortable. It reminds me of my last few weeks of the previous year, and about someone. There's something about the song.. "..I feel like i should tell you, there, there were wolves there yesterday. We walked and i said nothing. I didn't want to hurt the mood. I know we can't out run them; but the flowers smell so good." I wouldn't really know how to express to you WHY that particular segment eats at me, but it does.. That whole song does. It's very, I don't know.. It's very bittersweet. Everyone finds different meanings in different things. And this song breaks my heart EVERY.TIME.i hear it.. And yet, i cannot stop listening to it.. There is another song i can't get out of my head today. I heard it 2 weeks ago, not for the first time.. But ever since that moment it hasn't left my head. The coincidentally.. Someone sent it to me today. A song from a knife salesman to his wife on their wedding day. It's beautiful. In a very strange way. Listenener is one of my favorites. Not for everyone. But for me. If you DO read this.. Click the link. Listen to the words. and Just think about it. I want something like that. I know I'm young, but i can only hope.
"well darlin this is it, and I'm not a complicated person
you're all I've got, and I mean you're all I'll ever need
just like you are, you look like you could use these open arms
with these broken arms, I'll try and hold you all together
you spun the wheels, on this rusty heart, & I'll never be the same
and we're no accident, though sometimes we won't survive the crash
I'll be your ambulance"
Something like that ^^
<3 GINAXOXO
this week, I am going to be getting everything straightened out with my car. So, hopefully, I am going to be able to go out and be productive! By looking for a job, and finally having my freedom back. I never really lost it, it's just difficult to rely on everyone else for rides. That drives me crazy. I hate when people drive me! hahah I get super antsy. I know.. It's a control problem, which i am trying to control!
It's not Monday afternoon anymore. It's Tuesday night. I stopped writing for whatever reason, but here i am! I've been home practically all day today. But i had a lot of work to do. I'm trying to make extra money here and there since I don't have a job at the moment. Writing papers, and working on shoes. I need a job. I'd enlist, but they wouldn't take me because my eyes are so terrible. Now that i have a bionic arm, they REALLY won't take me. Talking about long term commitments though, I have been considering making one. But something more serious in terms of a career. That's something I'm gonna keep to myself until i figure it out. As soon as i say it, everyone going to go crazy.. That i know for sure. I can see it now! Everyone getting their hope up. We'll see how it plays out :) For now I'm just letting it happen.
I'm listening to Wolves in the Garden, by The Deadly Syndrome, And i was just sitting and thinking while it was playing. This song reminds me of my time in Paris.. Walking through the empty dark streets as the sun was slowly disappearing. Clueless as to where i was, but so comfortable. It reminds me of my last few weeks of the previous year, and about someone. There's something about the song.. "..I feel like i should tell you, there, there were wolves there yesterday. We walked and i said nothing. I didn't want to hurt the mood. I know we can't out run them; but the flowers smell so good." I wouldn't really know how to express to you WHY that particular segment eats at me, but it does.. That whole song does. It's very, I don't know.. It's very bittersweet. Everyone finds different meanings in different things. And this song breaks my heart EVERY.TIME.i hear it.. And yet, i cannot stop listening to it.. There is another song i can't get out of my head today. I heard it 2 weeks ago, not for the first time.. But ever since that moment it hasn't left my head. The coincidentally.. Someone sent it to me today. A song from a knife salesman to his wife on their wedding day. It's beautiful. In a very strange way. Listenener is one of my favorites. Not for everyone. But for me. If you DO read this.. Click the link. Listen to the words. and Just think about it. I want something like that. I know I'm young, but i can only hope.
"well darlin this is it, and I'm not a complicated person
you're all I've got, and I mean you're all I'll ever need
just like you are, you look like you could use these open arms
with these broken arms, I'll try and hold you all together
you spun the wheels, on this rusty heart, & I'll never be the same
and we're no accident, though sometimes we won't survive the crash
I'll be your ambulance"
Something like that ^^
<3 GINAXOXO
Thursday, February 3, 2011
New years resolution.. a month late
So, for my new years resolution this year, i decided that i was going to start a month late. I think it's hillarious when people start with their" I'm gonna turn over a new leaf" mentality on January 1st, of the new year.. and the week after the've cheated. So i decided to wait a month.. Let all the angst that comes along with the new year to settle, and then start making promises to myself.
When i got home from Holland i realized how much CRAP FOOD i ate there! Not even junk food, but when you think about most European countries.. What are their main staples? What is something you can expect to see in every household? BREAD. CHEESE.. And in Breda's case... Stroop waffles :X Ugh. Stoop Waffels + Gina = <3 <3 <3 Hahahah! Also, Beer, (See Right ) LMAO. And.. More bread. Surrrpise surprise!! So, i've decided that i am going to make my resolution - To take better care of myself, and watch the things that i put into my body. I started last week, and i already feel better! Some other things i'm adding onto the resolution? :1. Drink more water.
2. Spend more time outside.
3. Anddd.. After this month passes me by, and i am ALLOWED to go back, I;m going to the gym everyday. Rain or snow. So I feel good about it. And i know i'm going to keep this up. I think i've been inspired by these people on all of these weight loss shows. FUN FACT! I am obsessed with weight loss shows. " Heavy." "I used to be fat " "Biggest loser" and anything else even remotely close. I'm fascinated by these people, and how they can allow themselfs to get soooooo damn heavy?! I mean like.. Could you imagine being 500 pounds. 500 POUNDS?! That's 1/2 of 1000... Blows my mind. I live to eat, i don't eat to live, and i'm sure if i had NO self control or self respect.. that i could get really fat. But I like being healthy. I also, want to keep my arm moving. I'm determined to get this thing back to normal. I promise. I will not allow myself to be imobilized in ANY way. So here we go. Staring week 2 of this resolution, i'll be sure to keep everyone up to date. lol 
I went on a run with my dog today. But he started acting like a tard and getting scared by every car that passed and he was just ruining my groove. So my mom came and got him, and i continued on. I went on a 4 mile. and I passed the starbucks Down the street from my house and i just sat outside and .. just sat. And that's all i did. I watched the cars go by, and I took in some sunshine, and just let time pass me by for a few minutes. It was nice.. I haven't been able to do that in a while. Especially since when i was in Holland, it was too cold to even go outside let alone go and hang out in one spot for too long. I just listened to the people's conversations, FUN FACT #2 I'm a huge evesdropper. LMAO. People fascinate me. I can't help it. lol And then i went home. It's simple things like that that i missed being able to do. :) Makes the day just a little better. This weekend, Adriana is going to come and pick me up and bring me back to LA to her house. I am so excited i'm goiing to be able to visit with her for a while; I'm in the need for some serious Adriana time. It's going to be so nice to see her. I saw her when i had first gotten home for a little bit, she drive down with her boyfriend to come and see me. But i had just gotten surgery, and i was so drugged up i couldn't even see straight. Sooo.. This time, now that i'm fully conscious.. Will be so mch better. lol I love my sister <3
Anyway, i think i'm going to go paint. But first i need to find my paints?! Ugh. So i'm going to do that :) I'm in a write-y mood, so i 'll probably do another post tomorrow.
Doui Douiiii!
<3 GINAXOXO
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
WOW. So i had about.. a full page of this and i accidentally deleted it. I wasn't thinking. UGH. This morning i went for my 2nd PT appointment. I wasn't as excited about this one due to the fact that i woke up and it felt like someone had gone to town on my arm with a baseball bat.. or maybe some golf clubs. Either way, it fricken hurt. I think it was because of the first appointment, but oh well.. My mom went with me this time. She got to see what we do to try and fix my terribly mangled extremity. She watched at they hooked me up to the electro-pulsating-sticky-hurty things, and as the woman (Mona) attempted to run out all of the knotts my muscles had accumulated over the past month from not moving. UGH. That sucked.
After the appointment, mamma and i went and got lunch, and then ran some more errands. Went to the mall, and i got some new M.A.C makeup.. Not like i really needed anymore, but it's good for my soul and it keeps me happy :) haha!! Now i'm home, sitting on my balcony in the sun with my iced tea and my fat kitty who keeps popping by to see what i'm doing. I've been fairly stressed this week. When i got home from Holland i expected things to be so much different than they are.. Mostly because i never expected to come home partially crippled, and unable to do things fof myself like i normally would have been able to. I now have the inconvienence of fixing my car; New tires -$400. Fix the AC unit -$200? Registration & Insurance, and who knows what else will happen (KNOCK ON WOOD!) But where am i going to get the money to do so? Ohhh if i get a job I can fix all of those things easy! Maybe even with my first two pay checks! WRONG. Nobody is going to hire me, because of my arm. I can't lift, push, pull, carry.. Nothing that any normal job wourld require me to do. No shelf stocking, nothing that pretty much all the places i would like to work in Murrieta would require me to do. LAME. So, i need to look for a secretarial job.. or something that requires me to sit at a desk, andswer phones, and not do much. But i'm noticing that those are few and far between. SOOOO.... If any of my readers know of anywhere i can get a job, or want to give me a job ;) feel free to le tme know! hahah! Speaking of readers, i got 600 views a lone last month. Which i'm stoked about.. I could get more i guess, i just.. Idon't really care! lol
Random thoughts of the day :
I wanna get certified in Scuba diving.
I want my dark hair back. I want my LONG hair back.
I need a job, because i need to get new clothes.
I want a frozen margarita.
I wanna go to the gym!
I wanna go on another trip.
Let's go to San Diego.
There is something i can't stop thinking about! But i'm not upset by it, it kinda just makes me anxious..Because there is something that i HAVE to do, anddd thinking about it just makes me crazy. Lol Have you ever had one of those? You're scared to do something, or say something, or.. whatever it is. But at the same time you are so excited.. and you just can't control yourself. Well.. that's exactly how i am at the moment. and i don't know what to do about it. I take a running start and i am so ready to get it over with, and then i see "It" and it's staring me in the face, waiting for me to make the first move and i run away.. Kinda like jake when he wants to play and you try and take his ball away from him. He tests you, and gets really close but as soon as you go for it BAM he's gone. lol Little jerk dog.
I've been viggorously checking my email everyday awaiting a response from one of the 50,000 places i applied to. And it's really frustrating. I heard on the radio that the economy rose by 3.4% this quarter! Shouldn't that mean the job market was given a LIIITTTTLLLEEEE more slack? Probably not. That's wishful thinking. I also need to get my school life straightened out. I'm gonna be so relieved when all this is over. I really hate school, and i'm not looking forward to going back. If i had it my way i would just work, work work the rest of my life. But i can't work with what i want to work with without the degree, so schoolllll here i come! There are so many factors affecting my next move, it's incredible. I could go on for days.. I could go to school in the desert, which would be convienent because i have a lot of family out there, or i could go to art school in sd, and be very inconvienent because then i have to make the trip every day. Gahhhh. Anyway, enough about that. Jack just got home, and i'm gonna go show him what's up on some CODMW2 Nazi Zombies :P hahah Byyyeee!
<3 GINAXOXO
After the appointment, mamma and i went and got lunch, and then ran some more errands. Went to the mall, and i got some new M.A.C makeup.. Not like i really needed anymore, but it's good for my soul and it keeps me happy :) haha!! Now i'm home, sitting on my balcony in the sun with my iced tea and my fat kitty who keeps popping by to see what i'm doing. I've been fairly stressed this week. When i got home from Holland i expected things to be so much different than they are.. Mostly because i never expected to come home partially crippled, and unable to do things fof myself like i normally would have been able to. I now have the inconvienence of fixing my car; New tires -$400. Fix the AC unit -$200? Registration & Insurance, and who knows what else will happen (KNOCK ON WOOD!) But where am i going to get the money to do so? Ohhh if i get a job I can fix all of those things easy! Maybe even with my first two pay checks! WRONG. Nobody is going to hire me, because of my arm. I can't lift, push, pull, carry.. Nothing that any normal job wourld require me to do. No shelf stocking, nothing that pretty much all the places i would like to work in Murrieta would require me to do. LAME. So, i need to look for a secretarial job.. or something that requires me to sit at a desk, andswer phones, and not do much. But i'm noticing that those are few and far between. SOOOO.... If any of my readers know of anywhere i can get a job, or want to give me a job ;) feel free to le tme know! hahah! Speaking of readers, i got 600 views a lone last month. Which i'm stoked about.. I could get more i guess, i just.. Idon't really care! lol
Random thoughts of the day :
I wanna get certified in Scuba diving.
I want my dark hair back. I want my LONG hair back.
I need a job, because i need to get new clothes.
I want a frozen margarita.
I wanna go to the gym!
I wanna go on another trip.
Let's go to San Diego.
There is something i can't stop thinking about! But i'm not upset by it, it kinda just makes me anxious..Because there is something that i HAVE to do, anddd thinking about it just makes me crazy. Lol Have you ever had one of those? You're scared to do something, or say something, or.. whatever it is. But at the same time you are so excited.. and you just can't control yourself. Well.. that's exactly how i am at the moment. and i don't know what to do about it. I take a running start and i am so ready to get it over with, and then i see "It" and it's staring me in the face, waiting for me to make the first move and i run away.. Kinda like jake when he wants to play and you try and take his ball away from him. He tests you, and gets really close but as soon as you go for it BAM he's gone. lol Little jerk dog.
I've been viggorously checking my email everyday awaiting a response from one of the 50,000 places i applied to. And it's really frustrating. I heard on the radio that the economy rose by 3.4% this quarter! Shouldn't that mean the job market was given a LIIITTTTLLLEEEE more slack? Probably not. That's wishful thinking. I also need to get my school life straightened out. I'm gonna be so relieved when all this is over. I really hate school, and i'm not looking forward to going back. If i had it my way i would just work, work work the rest of my life. But i can't work with what i want to work with without the degree, so schoolllll here i come! There are so many factors affecting my next move, it's incredible. I could go on for days.. I could go to school in the desert, which would be convienent because i have a lot of family out there, or i could go to art school in sd, and be very inconvienent because then i have to make the trip every day. Gahhhh. Anyway, enough about that. Jack just got home, and i'm gonna go show him what's up on some CODMW2 Nazi Zombies :P hahah Byyyeee!
<3 GINAXOXO
Tuesday, January 25, 2011
Food for thought..
It's Tuesday; I find it more difficult as the days go by to remember what month it is, let alone what day it is. So at least i'm better off today, than i was yeaterday. I woke up thinking yesterday was Thursday. Why? I have no idea.. It might be because of the shock of being 9 hours behind once again. Since i came home from Holland i seem to be a bit backwards. Not Jet-lagged, but backwards. The tsunami that is real life hit me like a ton of bricks after i got my surgery. I am still in recovery from my surgery. I need to start physical therapy sooner rather than later and i'm going to have to start going to that 2 to 4 times a week. I need to find a job. I need to get my schooling figured out. I need to figure out if i'm going to relocate to the Desert, or to San Diego, and while all that is going on.. I'm trying to accept what happened. and come to terms with me being crippled. Which i'm fine with. I get so frustrated because i can't do things like i used to. I cannot straighten my right arm anymore, and i can't flex it all the way. So simple things like putting my hair up, and putting makeup on have turned into difficult tasks. Other than that i'm quite happy. I just have a lot of things running through my mind constantly. Most of those things sound a lot better INSIDE my head. When i actually say them out loud, i realize how absolutely ridiculous they are. But at the same time, they are completely understandable.
I have found myself doing a lot of reading, writing, and drawing. Getting back into my old groove again, and it feels good!! It's awesome.. Because it's what i love to do. I think the internet is taking over.. which.. Is strange for me to say because i am on the internet right now! But is for a different reason. I'm not staring at facebook waiting for something interesting to pop up, and i'm not going to be doing that anymore. I did that in Holland because i was longing to be back home with my family, and i was constantly wondering what it was that they were doing. But not anymore. If any of you need me, you can reach me at 1-951-326-7076 That's my cell phone :) You can get a hold of me there. I am going to be spending less time on facebook, and more time doing things more constructive. Reading, Writing, Drawing, Running, Cooking.. Anything.
I was in a funk last night. And it's because i hurt someone, and i know I did. I didn't want to hurt them. Nor did i do it intentionally.. But it was something that needed to be done. As horrible as that sounds. It was someone who was very near and dear to me at one point. But now, i feel completely sepperated. And that's something i also have to come to terms with. I found myself asking the question.. "When is the right time to say, 'okay.. We have too much baggae, it's time to move on'?" When is the right time? Is there EVER a right moment to say that to someone who you know truely loves you? I had to make that decision last night, and i feel like i woke up a stronger person for it. It needed to be done, and it finally happened.. And I truely feel it was for the better. It just sucks, and makes me feel like a shitty person.
I need to think of a new name for my.. well.. This! My Blogg. It's "FROM BREDA WITH LOVE..." Anddddd if you didn't notice i'm not in Breda anymore. So if you have a better suggestion, lemme know :) hahah I'll probably post this link on my facebook wall to let people know i updated my blogg.. (How contradictory?! Look at my last paragraph, and look at THIS sentance.. lol) I'm not using facebook as much! OH WAIT! I'm gonna write a blogg and post it. lol I'm incredible. I never cease to amaze myself.
OH. Continuing on with my random thoughts... I just triggered something with" Never cease to amaze me.. " The other day i was really mad. I keep finding myself becoming upset with certain people. Not like friends, or family.. How unusuall right? But with people whom i don't really talk to much. People who i know and am friends with, but that i don't really see. Especially now. The other day, i got an IM (Instant message) from a guy who i know. I used to see him every once in a while when i would go to my friend's house, and he would be there. Nice guy. Very nice to me. Always had something to talk to me about. But we never hung out outside of that situation. About a month after i met him i moved to Holland. I got a message from him while in Holland and it didn't seem like the guy i met! "Giiinnnaaaa.. Baby i miss you!" What? BABY? Who's baby? I sure as hell hope you aren't talking about me? Yea. He was.. Anyway. He told me he wan interested in dating me and i told him i was interested in someone else. Which was the truth. He pulled a guilt trip on me.. "Oh i get it. I'm not good looking enough for you." Besides the fact that i didn't find him attractive, his cheesy one liners, and pathetic attempt at asking me out didn't help. So I declined yet again. and we didn't talk. So i saw him post something a little bit later. Like a mont or two later. I looked at his profile, and blasted allll over his wall is how he is trying to get back together with his girlfriend. WHO JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE PREGNANT WITH HIS BABY. Had i any idea? No. But he was telling everyone on his wall that "Oh my girl left me, and i'm going to do whatever it is i can do to get back together with her. I want her in my life i wanna be with her and my baby." and yet he's calling me baby, and telling me he thinks i'm gorgeous. Leaving me cheesy pic comments. and being a scumbag.. STRIKE 2. Sooo i stopped talking to him. But recently. He sent me a message.. Like yesterday. and said i miss you baby. I asked him what was up. Completely ignoring his previous comment. and he asked me if i was single. I said yes. He asked me what was up then!? Obviously irritated i hadn't hit him up. I told him i was interested in someone, and that i wasn't about ready to screw it up. He got mad and said but you aren't dating. so you don't have anything to screw up. I told him that i wasn't about to do anything like that. and that i would appreciate it if he stopped and he didn't. I told him it wasn't gonna happen between us. and i hope he finally understood after i deleted his ass off facebook. Fricken retard.
My leg is asleep. Kinda feels how my arm has been feeling for a while. Feels like someone injected my arm with novicane. So weird. lol
I'm done with the random rants. I'll probably have somehting of substance to write about it a little bit :P
Love you!
GINAXOXO
I have found myself doing a lot of reading, writing, and drawing. Getting back into my old groove again, and it feels good!! It's awesome.. Because it's what i love to do. I think the internet is taking over.. which.. Is strange for me to say because i am on the internet right now! But is for a different reason. I'm not staring at facebook waiting for something interesting to pop up, and i'm not going to be doing that anymore. I did that in Holland because i was longing to be back home with my family, and i was constantly wondering what it was that they were doing. But not anymore. If any of you need me, you can reach me at 1-951-326-7076 That's my cell phone :) You can get a hold of me there. I am going to be spending less time on facebook, and more time doing things more constructive. Reading, Writing, Drawing, Running, Cooking.. Anything.
I was in a funk last night. And it's because i hurt someone, and i know I did. I didn't want to hurt them. Nor did i do it intentionally.. But it was something that needed to be done. As horrible as that sounds. It was someone who was very near and dear to me at one point. But now, i feel completely sepperated. And that's something i also have to come to terms with. I found myself asking the question.. "When is the right time to say, 'okay.. We have too much baggae, it's time to move on'?" When is the right time? Is there EVER a right moment to say that to someone who you know truely loves you? I had to make that decision last night, and i feel like i woke up a stronger person for it. It needed to be done, and it finally happened.. And I truely feel it was for the better. It just sucks, and makes me feel like a shitty person.
I need to think of a new name for my.. well.. This! My Blogg. It's "FROM BREDA WITH LOVE..." Anddddd if you didn't notice i'm not in Breda anymore. So if you have a better suggestion, lemme know :) hahah I'll probably post this link on my facebook wall to let people know i updated my blogg.. (How contradictory?! Look at my last paragraph, and look at THIS sentance.. lol) I'm not using facebook as much! OH WAIT! I'm gonna write a blogg and post it. lol I'm incredible. I never cease to amaze myself.
OH. Continuing on with my random thoughts... I just triggered something with" Never cease to amaze me.. " The other day i was really mad. I keep finding myself becoming upset with certain people. Not like friends, or family.. How unusuall right? But with people whom i don't really talk to much. People who i know and am friends with, but that i don't really see. Especially now. The other day, i got an IM (Instant message) from a guy who i know. I used to see him every once in a while when i would go to my friend's house, and he would be there. Nice guy. Very nice to me. Always had something to talk to me about. But we never hung out outside of that situation. About a month after i met him i moved to Holland. I got a message from him while in Holland and it didn't seem like the guy i met! "Giiinnnaaaa.. Baby i miss you!" What? BABY? Who's baby? I sure as hell hope you aren't talking about me? Yea. He was.. Anyway. He told me he wan interested in dating me and i told him i was interested in someone else. Which was the truth. He pulled a guilt trip on me.. "Oh i get it. I'm not good looking enough for you." Besides the fact that i didn't find him attractive, his cheesy one liners, and pathetic attempt at asking me out didn't help. So I declined yet again. and we didn't talk. So i saw him post something a little bit later. Like a mont or two later. I looked at his profile, and blasted allll over his wall is how he is trying to get back together with his girlfriend. WHO JUST SO HAPPENED TO BE PREGNANT WITH HIS BABY. Had i any idea? No. But he was telling everyone on his wall that "Oh my girl left me, and i'm going to do whatever it is i can do to get back together with her. I want her in my life i wanna be with her and my baby." and yet he's calling me baby, and telling me he thinks i'm gorgeous. Leaving me cheesy pic comments. and being a scumbag.. STRIKE 2. Sooo i stopped talking to him. But recently. He sent me a message.. Like yesterday. and said i miss you baby. I asked him what was up. Completely ignoring his previous comment. and he asked me if i was single. I said yes. He asked me what was up then!? Obviously irritated i hadn't hit him up. I told him i was interested in someone, and that i wasn't about ready to screw it up. He got mad and said but you aren't dating. so you don't have anything to screw up. I told him that i wasn't about to do anything like that. and that i would appreciate it if he stopped and he didn't. I told him it wasn't gonna happen between us. and i hope he finally understood after i deleted his ass off facebook. Fricken retard.
My leg is asleep. Kinda feels how my arm has been feeling for a while. Feels like someone injected my arm with novicane. So weird. lol
I'm done with the random rants. I'll probably have somehting of substance to write about it a little bit :P
Love you!
GINAXOXO
Thursday, January 20, 2011
California Dreamin'..
Well Hello!
I went to the hospital to find out my arm looked like this -----> I was told i needed to get surgery ASAP, and it had to be within a week and a half or else my bones were going to fuse together impropperly. GREEEAATTT.. NEXT decision; Go back home to California and get the surgery, or stay in Holland and get the surgery. After a couple days of consideration we (Eduard, Esther and myself along with my Parents) Decided that coming home would be the best option. I landed in LAX on the 4th of Januray, and a couple days later was in surgery. It's been 2 weeks since my surgery, and i have my arm back, thank god. I don't have all of my mobility back. I still have to go through a couple rounds of physical therapy and i should be good.
As most of you know.. I've been living in Breda, Holland for the past 6 months (The whole reason for me to start up this blogg in the first place.. Duh!) And everything was going wonderfully untill New Years Eve.. I left my house at about 11pm, and i headed to the centruum as i did frequently. I was to meet up with some friends at our "Usual" place, the Speeltuin. I arrived in the center and come to find that i was still about 15 minutes early. I went to go get a redbull and wait for my friends, seeing as how i was exhausted and early. I went to Donnerland, got my drink and without even opening it went upstairs.. As i was about to come back down stairs i got really hot, and very dizzy. I gave myself a few minutes to collect my thoughts and to make these horrible feelings go away, and I thought i was ready to go! I headed towards the top of the stairs. Fixed my coat, and grabbed onto the hand rail.. That was the last thing i remember. Next thing i know; I open my eyes and I am on the first floor. I feel the cold, hard tile underneath me, as i try and firgure out WHY? I was staring at the ceiling. I look around to see at least 15 people surrounding me, and i can see that they are all talking to eachother and seem very panic stricken but it was only after a few second.. (Which seemed like days) that i could hear what they were saying. "CALL AN AMBULANCE!" "GET HER UP!" "SHE'S AWAKE! IS SHE OKAY?" "GINA! ARE YOU ALRIGHT?" After i collected a few breaths, I sat myself up, and cleared the people away from my floor space. I started talking to the people around me and found out that i had fallen down the stairs, and once i hit the floor they tried to wake me up but was unconscious for about 2 minutes. LONG STORY SHORTTTT...
I went to the hospital to find out my arm looked like this -----> I was told i needed to get surgery ASAP, and it had to be within a week and a half or else my bones were going to fuse together impropperly. GREEEAATTT.. NEXT decision; Go back home to California and get the surgery, or stay in Holland and get the surgery. After a couple days of consideration we (Eduard, Esther and myself along with my Parents) Decided that coming home would be the best option. I landed in LAX on the 4th of Januray, and a couple days later was in surgery. It's been 2 weeks since my surgery, and i have my arm back, thank god. I don't have all of my mobility back. I still have to go through a couple rounds of physical therapy and i should be good. I'm just thankful i didn't break something more important; My leg.. either of them! My neck. My back. My dome piece!! It was really a freak accident, and i'm still bummed about it. I had another 6 months to go. I could be traveling all over Europe the way i was during the first 6 months. When i think about it, i did a lot. I got to travel all over Holland. I went to Belgium, had some chocolate. :) I went to France, which was the #1 Place i wanted to visit. I still cannot wait to go back. I got to meet some of the most amazing people i will probably ever meet in my entire life. I got to experiece a completely different culture than my own, first hand. I learned quite a lot of Dutch, which i am going to keep up. and i got to do my part in helping out a wonderful family. They welcomed me into their home as a stranger, and i left as a part of what they have built. Eduard and Esther are truely amazing people, and as of this week will be getting a new edition to the "Family". My cousin Katie will be leaving to Holland, this coming Friday! I am so excited for her, and have already gotten her in contact with all the friends i had made over there :) She's gonna have a nice little welcoming commitee. I can't wait to hear all about her adventures, and see how she adapts to the European culture. I know she's going to love it. I miss my girls; Meghan, Sabrina, Laurita, Theresa and my dearest Stephhhhhaaanniiieee. I'm trying to devise a plan to get them all to California. It might be one at a time.. But they will all be here eventually :D <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3 <3
I'm not a religious person, but if i was this would be a blessing in deisguise. I am very sad to have left Holland, but in me doing so someone else is getting an amazing opportunity that does not come around often. I got to come back home, and see my family again, and See my puppy.. Which, i think i missed more than anyone ;) HAHA! I came home with a new attitude, and a new outlook on how i wanted my life to be. I finally feel like i have a direction, and even with a broken arm am working to do my part, in everyway. This week i have been running back and forth with my parents to doctors appointments, and family visits since i haven't seen or hardly talked to a lot of my family in 6 months. And even so i have managed to get out somewhere around 1000 job applications, and am getting my schooling all set up! I am so excited to start my life and get going.. I think Holland gave me the running start that i needed. I might actually be moving out of my beloved Murrieta.. AGAIN. I need a change of scenery :) It all depends on if i am accepted to fill this position i am trying for.. But either way, I can't wait.. In the mean time i'll be enjoying this beatiful Southern California weather... Have a great week guys <3
GINAXOXO
Monday, December 27, 2010
December 4th 2010
So, leaving the house today was probably the biggest mistake I ever made. Essentially because snow in large quantities + a bicycle = disaster. Though it is not entirely my fault! It wasn't snowing very badly when I left.. It was 10 minutes after I left that I was stuck in the blizzard. It was so bad that I actually had to stop and seek refuge in the Albert heijn! And for those of you in California, that's our grocery store. Kinda like albertsons? :) haha I bought a cheap 4€ umbrella an headed out shortly after despite the snow. I wanted to get to the centruum. And 5 minutes into my 10 minute journey to the centre, what happens? The snow picks up so badly that my umbrella breaks. It BROKE the umbrella.. My only form of shelter. Worst 4€ I've ever spent lol well I'm here now, at least! Sitting at the v&d with the usual coffee and tomato soup. I figured I'd be a little daring though and get a chocolate croissant today as well :) it was one of the better decisions I made all day. I ran into Eduard when I first for here! He looked at me with a confused expression and asked me what happened? What do you mean I said? And he asked if I fell, because I was covered in snow. Lol How sad! Nope. Didn't fall. It's just my luck that the one time I decide to leave my beautiful warm sunny southern Californian habitat, to move to Europe, That they have the coldest, snowiest winter they have ever had. Hahah 
Today is December 4th :) which in Holland is the Sinter Klass holiday! I'm not sure if I've written about him or not, but sinter klass is a saint who hails from Spain.. And in mid November he comes to Holland on his boat with all his helpers, the Black Pietes! Who are really terrifying actually. I don't know why the kids love them so much. Well anyway.. He comes to Holland and stays until the 4th of December. And on this night everyone gets together and sometime in the evening someone comes and knocks on the door! All the kids scream because two things could happen after that; A. Sinter klass is there to come and bring you gifts! Or B. The black pietes are there to come and put you in a bag, and take you away to Spain because you have been bad. It's the Dutch equivalent to the naughty list, or getting coal in your stocking. But 1000x times more terrifying. In my household I was told I was gonna get a sponge for Christmas in my stocking if I was bad! Or get smacked with a wooden spoon... (its an Italian thing.) hahah And I thought that was horrible. But being kidnapped, put into a sack, beaten with switches or, Tree branches.. And taken away to Spain, Essentially sounds like the worst that could happen to any unsuspecting 6 year old. Lol I have a French friend who lives in Breda, he isn't too fond of Holland and we had a conversation about sinterklass recently. He said that if he was little he would be bad on purpose just so he could be taken to Spain!! Hahahah it's probably warmer there?!
They are putting the huge Christmas tree up in the center as we speak :) it's kinda exciting! A real Christmas.. My first one! Though I am kinda sad my family can't be here to experience it. Ya ever heard that saying, it's not where you go, it's who you're with? Well it's true. Holland is beautiful but it would be 100 times better if they were here. After this im gonna go make a run to h& m before all the stores close at 5! Gotta find something nice to wear :) I went boot shopping earlier, I have a pair of boots that are gonna last me a while but I just thought I'd test my luck. I was proven unsuccessful lol boots are impossible to find. And if you do find some you like, thy don't have your size, or they are 400€. FML. The biggest horse I have ever seen just walked passed the window, pulling a carriage with black pietes in it. Hahaha they are really scary. Oh my. Oh well I'm gonna finish my lunch and head out! Finish this up later! <3
Thursday, December 2, 2010
Hello :) I'm quite proud of myself; Mainly because this is the second post I've done this week! And I haven't been keeping this up the way I should. I need to start writing more because this is kinda of my own way of reflecting on my time here. I can write, then two months later go and look back at what I wrote! It's cool :) it's like my journal. I have a journal but like my blogg.. It hasn't been written in in like a week hahah! Well currently it's Wednesday night. It's almost 9:20pm and I did myself sitting on a train on my way to Amsterdam. Trains aren't used very frequently by Anyone I know back home so.. Using them as my secondary form of transportation, my bike being my first, is always an adventure. I had a very strange conversation with one of the workers on the trail. I was unaware you had to get your ticket stamped. I paid for it and I flashed my discount card so I figured that was all. WRONG. Has he told me normally, he would charge an extra 40€ for a mistake like that. But because I was smiley and warm he took out his stamp and validated it. That made me think about how many people he runs into a day. How many people who run into the problem I was faced with. How many unhappy people who were having a bad day get charged an extra 40€ because they weren't in the mood to smile an be friendly. That sucks! Shortly after a girl boarded my train and sat a few sets behind me. I'm almost 100% sure she didn't know I was here. Immediately upon entry to the cabin she takes out her phone and (I'm assuming ) she was talking to a boyfriend because they started screaming at each other. I could hear him yelling through the phone all the way on the opposite end of the train. After a few tears and strained vocal cords, the phone call ended with a quick "ik hoe van je" and a sigh. I didn't think anything of it until the girl started railing lines on the nice little tables supplied to your seats. I could see her in the reflection of the window, and either she couldn't see me or she just really did not care. Drugs and angry phone calls. What a night! Lol
I just looked out the window and saw that we were At the train station for Delft. I've never been there but my friend Meghan went a couple weeks ago and said it was cool! They're knows for their blue and white painted pottery. And there is a museum that showcases how it's made, how long it takes, all thy jazz. There's also a museum on carnival! That would be interesting. Now were in Den Haag. I've been here. That beach that I can't pronounce nor spell is here! It's a nice place. I'm on my way to Amsterdam to meet Stephanie :) from centraal, we are going to Theresa's place and staying the night! Essentially making our journey to Paris 1000x easier. I had planned on taking the 1am train to Amsterdam then hang out from like 4 am till 7 when I had to be at the station. Those plans sucked. But that was my only real option unroll spending the night at Theresa's arose! So I'm really stoked about that. Steph and i have a 6 hour bus ride to look forward to tomorrow :) haha I'm kinda excited. It shouldn't be too bad especially since were together :D I can't believe I'm going to Paris. I've always wanted to go to France. Bretagne, France primarily. I'd like to live there. On the shore. That's a dream of mine hahah retire and move to the beach in France. Sounds nice huh? Lol it still hasn't really hit me that I live in Europe. Saying thy seems weird as well because I kinda went from 0 to 60 in terms of being adjusted. As soon as I stepped off the plane in Zurich I was adjusted. This is my home now. And it's what I see as the norm. So technically going to France is like going to.. Arizona from California. It takes the same amount of time pretty much. If driving from Holland to Paris, it takes about 5 hours. So I'd say that's a good comparison.
Speaking of ARIZONA! My family is there now :) they are staying at my great grandparents house to spend the thanksgiving holiday with them. That should be nice. Glendale, Arizona <3 My grandma is babysitting my puppy Jake, and my Aunt Gina is also in Az. From New York. So they have a full house :) mmm I can see the pizellies already. Omg. I'm definitely making pizellies when I get home?! That sounds so good. Nobody makes em like Gram. I look like I'm running away hahah I can see my reflection and I have 2 carry on's. My coat and my snow jacket lol and I'm by myself. Not to mention it rained on my way to the train station so why was my beautifully done hair is now a big curly mess. Awesome. NOT! Ya know that moment where your eyes start to burn and itch and you wanna rub em but you remember you're wearing eye makeup.... :| FML. Anyway. It's 10:15 now. And I'm a few minutes from Amsterdam. So im gonna sign off. I'll be sure to write again soon <3 Good Night Holland. Good Morning California <3XOXOGINA
Long Overdue..
Why hello strangers! I'm sorry I haven't been writing recently. I've been a bit more than busy. To be honest it really just feel like one huge blurr. I've been here for 3 months now and it's really getting easier. Some days are more difficult than others; and not even in terms of the family, The work or the children.. Just getting used to my new life. My new friends. What we do when we go out now, compared to what I use to do when I went out in murrieta! Lemme tell you.. HUGE difference. Mello relaxing quiet nights are few and far between, while Late, LATE crazy nights.. And early slow mornings, are abundant and consecutive. Lol but that's what you do here. That's the life style. And it makes me glad that I'm here for a year. Because honestly i don't think another year of these parties would be too good on my sleep schedule or my mental health LMAO!As the days go on I find myself meetin more and more Americans! I met a guy from Arizona, a girl from Oregon, Arkansas, and a girl from California :) they are all pretty close to Amsterdam so I'm stoked to meet them. Arizona even lives in my town! Holland is getting colder and wetter as the weeks pass and I'm not really looking forward to it /: I need to get some boots and I need to go shopping for some warmer clothes! But I can't right now because I'm saving forrrrrr PARIS!! :D this trip is coming up on the 25th of November; the American thanksgiving, and I am traveling with Stephanie who is American as well! So were goin to have a little celebration in our hotel room. We planned for his trip for weeks and it really paid off. Bus ticket to Paris - 20€ hotel room in Paris - 110€ so in American that's about $150.00! I can't wait. Paris has been my dream, well.. One of them for a very long time. I really hope it is everything I think it will be. After that Christmas will be coming up soon! Its going to be so weird to be away from my family for the holidays : ( it's gonna be hard but I figure people do it all the time, so I can do it. And I'll be home for Christmas next year! Christmas 2011!! Woot woooottt! Haha oi vey.
Recently I went to Belgium with Esther and the boys! The city is truly beautiful. With it's classic 17th century European architecture, it's sitting right on one of the biggest harbors in Europe! Rotterdam has the first. I love going to the harbors, seeing all the boats and you can smell the seafood places as soon as you step out of the car. It's almost like being at point loma, but 200x bigger hahah. We walked around Antwerp, went to a nice little Italian restaurant, and looked at all the stores! For people who love chocolate and beer I highly recommend Antwerp :) there are beautiful chocolate shops on almost every corner, and they have very nice pubs and restaurants all over. The cathedral in the centre of the city is probably the most beautiful I have seen since I've been here. It's the largest and most intricate of the churches and we actually went inside! It was really cool. I love stuff like that. I would like to go to Brugges next. It's the opposite of Antwerp; it's in the countryside and I heard it's so nice to visit. But I wanna go when it gets warmer out. Which at this rate seems to be never. Lol you can take the girl out of California but you can't take the California out of the girl :) I wish I could still wear my flip flops! Hahah I really need to start writing these more. I really have been finding myself having more and more things to write about but not enough time to do so. I read something the other day that was written by Ernest Hemingway and it said " I find writing to be very easy, you just sit at a type writer and bleed." which couldn't be more true. I've always loved English, literature and writing.. But maybe I should turn this into something more? Who knows. All I know is art school awaits me when I return home. California awaits. San Diego awaits!! I have 250 days left here :) I've decided I want to be home around my birthday. And that's what I want as my present. To be home with my family. The longer I'm here, the more anxious I am to start my life back home. The more I see, experience and learn.. The more I wanna go home and share with Jack and Hannah! Oh oh oh I'm getting butterflies just thinking about it :D apartment shopping. Starting college.. AGAIN! Lol ugh :) can't wait. Paris is 6 days away. So is thanksgiving! Christmas is 36 days. Then.. It's new years!! Lol
I can't believe it. I really don't even know where the past couple months went. It was like we didn't even have the month of October. We just had September, Halloween then November. Lol it seems like Saturdays were diminished in the process! I can never remember where those go! Lol like today is Saturday. I woke up and got ready, an left to come to the centruum. Went shopping because I had some extra cash. (for once) got some stuff I'm gonna need for Paris :) and now I'm sitting at the cafe in the v&d eating tomato soup and an iced cappuchino <3 it's lovely. I love having time for myself to just thinks and write an breathe and SLOW DOWN. It's like my refresher to get me ready for the rest of the week :) this week is going to e especially insane. I know I'm gonna be stressing about Paris unroll the moment we walk into our hotel room. Because I'm Gina Pauling. And my anxiety gets the best of me sometimes. Lol all the Christmas lights are put up in the town, and in the evening when it's all lit up it is so beautiful. It reminds me of how home is duringg this time. There's no Christmas tree selling on the sides of the road here though like there is in Murrieta. Well, none that I've seen. And I know I know thanksgiving hasn't even come around yet. But I'm used to having everything up so early! My thanksgiving was last night :) I spent two days preparing my favorite traditional "Pauling family thanksgiving" food for Ed, Es, and the kids. Sweet potato casserole, creamed cauliflower or.. Bloemkool! Corn, masked potatoes, cornbread stuffing, and instead of turkey, we had chickens :) try don't sell turkeys in the grocery stores. If I wanted one I would have had to go shoot it, take all the feathers off then.. Well.. Behead him. Lol which I was surprisingly informed that my Mexican mom ( Mamma Manzo) could have showed me how to do that?? Hahahah!! That's rad. Lol I could never do that. I'd catch him, end up making friends with him before I even had time to do the rest. Oh well :) haha oh! I got the coolest ring today. It's big and gold and tacky. It looks like a jaguar and has little diamonds in the eyes. Very 80's. My mom would hate it!! Hahah! But it's rad it actually looks like a snake. But it's suppose to be a cat. They have the coolest Jewelry! I love stuff like this. Alright lovies, my food is gone and I just got a wiff of Christmas trees from outside. I'm gonna go see what's going on. I love you guys, and I miss you terribly. Send me your addresses so I can send you postcards from Paris! Good morning Murrieta and San Diego! Good evening Breda :) tonight gonna be a long one <3Love,
Recently I went to Belgium with Esther and the boys! The city is truly beautiful. With it's classic 17th century European architecture, it's sitting right on one of the biggest harbors in Europe! Rotterdam has the first. I love going to the harbors, seeing all the boats and you can smell the seafood places as soon as you step out of the car. It's almost like being at point loma, but 200x bigger hahah. We walked around Antwerp, went to a nice little Italian restaurant, and looked at all the stores! For people who love chocolate and beer I highly recommend Antwerp :) there are beautiful chocolate shops on almost every corner, and they have very nice pubs and restaurants all over. The cathedral in the centre of the city is probably the most beautiful I have seen since I've been here. It's the largest and most intricate of the churches and we actually went inside! It was really cool. I love stuff like that. I would like to go to Brugges next. It's the opposite of Antwerp; it's in the countryside and I heard it's so nice to visit. But I wanna go when it gets warmer out. Which at this rate seems to be never. Lol you can take the girl out of California but you can't take the California out of the girl :) I wish I could still wear my flip flops! Hahah I really need to start writing these more. I really have been finding myself having more and more things to write about but not enough time to do so. I read something the other day that was written by Ernest Hemingway and it said " I find writing to be very easy, you just sit at a type writer and bleed." which couldn't be more true. I've always loved English, literature and writing.. But maybe I should turn this into something more? Who knows. All I know is art school awaits me when I return home. California awaits. San Diego awaits!! I have 250 days left here :) I've decided I want to be home around my birthday. And that's what I want as my present. To be home with my family. The longer I'm here, the more anxious I am to start my life back home. The more I see, experience and learn.. The more I wanna go home and share with Jack and Hannah! Oh oh oh I'm getting butterflies just thinking about it :D apartment shopping. Starting college.. AGAIN! Lol ugh :) can't wait. Paris is 6 days away. So is thanksgiving! Christmas is 36 days. Then.. It's new years!! Lol
I can't believe it. I really don't even know where the past couple months went. It was like we didn't even have the month of October. We just had September, Halloween then November. Lol it seems like Saturdays were diminished in the process! I can never remember where those go! Lol like today is Saturday. I woke up and got ready, an left to come to the centruum. Went shopping because I had some extra cash. (for once) got some stuff I'm gonna need for Paris :) and now I'm sitting at the cafe in the v&d eating tomato soup and an iced cappuchino <3 it's lovely. I love having time for myself to just thinks and write an breathe and SLOW DOWN. It's like my refresher to get me ready for the rest of the week :) this week is going to e especially insane. I know I'm gonna be stressing about Paris unroll the moment we walk into our hotel room. Because I'm Gina Pauling. And my anxiety gets the best of me sometimes. Lol all the Christmas lights are put up in the town, and in the evening when it's all lit up it is so beautiful. It reminds me of how home is duringg this time. There's no Christmas tree selling on the sides of the road here though like there is in Murrieta. Well, none that I've seen. And I know I know thanksgiving hasn't even come around yet. But I'm used to having everything up so early! My thanksgiving was last night :) I spent two days preparing my favorite traditional "Pauling family thanksgiving" food for Ed, Es, and the kids. Sweet potato casserole, creamed cauliflower or.. Bloemkool! Corn, masked potatoes, cornbread stuffing, and instead of turkey, we had chickens :) try don't sell turkeys in the grocery stores. If I wanted one I would have had to go shoot it, take all the feathers off then.. Well.. Behead him. Lol which I was surprisingly informed that my Mexican mom ( Mamma Manzo) could have showed me how to do that?? Hahahah!! That's rad. Lol I could never do that. I'd catch him, end up making friends with him before I even had time to do the rest. Oh well :) haha oh! I got the coolest ring today. It's big and gold and tacky. It looks like a jaguar and has little diamonds in the eyes. Very 80's. My mom would hate it!! Hahah! But it's rad it actually looks like a snake. But it's suppose to be a cat. They have the coolest Jewelry! I love stuff like this. Alright lovies, my food is gone and I just got a wiff of Christmas trees from outside. I'm gonna go see what's going on. I love you guys, and I miss you terribly. Send me your addresses so I can send you postcards from Paris! Good morning Murrieta and San Diego! Good evening Breda :) tonight gonna be a long one <3Love,
Monday, October 4, 2010
Red light, Green light.
Hellooo! Okay in know i have been terrible and haven't updated thing in forever, but I think it's better to do it with a couple days between so I always have something to write about! Well I have two things to write about this week! LolOn Wednesday of this week I went out with a couple friends! We wet and met outside of the Australian pub, then went to another bar called the speeltuin, which I really like. It has good music and it's relaxing! We were there for a while.. But then they boys left and Ana and I went out. It was about 12: 30 am and we wound up at this Dance and bar place. I digg it; it was kinda small. With lots of blue purple and pink lights. Incredibly loud music and an incredible amount o people. Lol we had a few drinks and dance and talked with people. Pretty soon It was 2 am and this place was closing. Well on the way out we got invited to ANOTHER bar .. And what did we do? We went with these people! Hahah 
This last bar was called he Walk About and it was fun. Different kind of music as the last place, and completely different atmosphere. But hey, beer is two euros and they come all night! Pretty soon 3 am rolled around and it was lookin like a good time to go home. Ana and I said good bye to our new friends and went to go get our bikes only to find my bike had been locked to about 50 other bicycles?! It's almost 4 am. I'm sitting in front of a church in the middle of town, with some Spanish kid who wouldn't leave our side, and my bike was stuck chillin with the Jesus at the church. And it was starting to rain. SOOOO... Ana has an idea to go to the police station, good idea right? Felt that it's 10 blocks away and I'm bikeless /: so i get on the back of our Spanish friends bike and follow Ana to the police station. We get there and I was completely relieved to. See that there were officers inside and the lights were on! I run to the door, ring the buzzer, try and use the speaker box and I was stoked we were gonna get my bike back. So, a few minutes go by and we realize hose officers aren't gonna be coming to help me. Estupid Dutch politie?! So plan C was to go to Ana's house, borrow her roommate's bike and head home! Which we did, and the next day we made an adventure out of getting my bike back :)))) I missed it?! But I was too tired to care at 5am /:
Today being Saturday, I went to Amsterdam for the first time :) I met up with my friend Stephanie who is also an Au pair, but in a town called Enkhuizen! It was awesome to meet her. I have a feeling were gonna be going on a lot more trips :)) we had to much fun. We started off our day at the Anne Frank house which was really cool. You're not supposed to take pictures but we managed to sneak a few in ;) lol it was really interesting to see the house because we learned about It in school and to actually be there in her room where her diary was written and her family was hiding. It gave me goosebumps. They had the actual journal on display! So cool. Then next we went across town a bit and got a latte then proceeded to the Van Gogh museum which seemed to take forever and a half to get to. Seriously we must have walked MILES today! The museum was nice and had all the original Van Gogh pieces on display, and they had a really nice gift shop :) I picked up a few more postcards. After that it started to rain so Steph and I took a tram back to the centre of town. We wanted to look around at the shops more and see what other kinda crazy stuff they had. We went to H &M and shopped and then.. That's when the fun started hahah Steph's birthday was on Thursday :) so, we had to go have a celebratory birthday drink! Yay! Birthday drinks! 
Lol we found this little sports pub and watched a soccer match had a few drinks, hen a few more and hen the best effing fish and chips i have ever eaten. Omg so good. Also, Jeager shots were a dollar! ( Psstt .. Mom! I got you a few cool ass shot glasses!) lol from there we explored the rest of the city! It's really beautiful at night especially when it's all lit up. We made our way to the red lift district somehow.. That was something else. Ya know it really is true about the girls in the windows! Some are just models they just stand
here and talk on the phones but INSIDE are the girls who work there.You don't get to see those ones. There's hundreds of these shops and plenty of tourists who are very excited to see the girls. We walked around some more took more. Prostitution is completely legal here in Holland. I don't know about other Europeas countries but here it is an actual occupation! The government taxes it and everything. Lol Grossss.
pictures talked to more people and then we went to the Amsterdam Centraal train station :) got our coffee, said our good byes and went to our platforms :) which leads me to where I am now. Sitting on a train on my way back home <3 It was a lot of fun. I'm so glad i met Steph and every other one of the friends i have made since I've been here. And i'm glad they are with me to enjoy all the things Europe has to offer. I was informed today that I'm going to Paris with Stephanie in November! After her year of Au pairing is up she won't be coming home to north Carolina but she will be staying in Europe or going to Canada. November is orientation for a school she is interested in and she asked me to go with her :) I couldn't pass that up! Especially not with her. So get ready Paris, I'm coming! ;) I'll write more tomorrow! It's gonna be a stay home and snuggle day Due to today's festivities! I believe I am meeting Meghan for an Irish breakfast though :) good night Breda! Good morning California! I miss and love you guys!
Skype me Gina.M.Pauling
Skype me Gina.M.Pauling
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Going Dutch!
Hellooooo! So i am sitting in the living room right now, the house is empty and quiet. The babies are asleep and Eduard and Yasmine are at a birthday party for one of Yas' friends. I got to watching Iron Man 2 which is strange because i never watch movies! The past few days since Esther has been been gone has been crazy! But good! We managed very well around here, but you can tell the babies miss her! She went to lunch with my mom and my Dama the other day! I was really excited that they got to meet up. Well i went out on Wednesday to this Australian pub to meet up with a few friends, and i met a few new people! A few girls who just so happen to be Au Pairs in Breda! One girl's name is Sabrina and she is from Brazil, the other girl is Meghan, and she is from Canada! She has been here about 3 months and Sabrina's will be going back home to Brazil in February! We went out to this little bar called the Speeltuin afterwards, they had really good music! We got drinks, and talked and it was overall a really really good night :) I was go glad i met someone from my Continent! It was wonderful to hear English English for once, and everyone else is great.
It is 2:44 pm here right now, and Richard.. who is Esther's sister's husband (He is from America also, he is from North Carolina) Came by and dropped of Lennard so i am watching the movie with him :) He's quite funny, and he doesn't really even try to be hahah he just has this quirk about him; The way he walks, the way he moves.. He's like 5 but he's cool hahah! He makes me laugh, and he only knows dutch and i don't know any dutch but a few words, so the language barrier is lame. But he gets it. I feel like an air traffic controller because i have to use hand signals so much! hahah running back and forth trying to ask him if he's hungry. It's quite the sight. Merlijn is awake now as well, and i had to change Iron man and put on Dora the Explorer.... Yay. Dora in Holland speaks in dutch and SOMETIMES in English, but Dora in America, speaks in English, and SOMETIMES in Spanish so it's funny.. Its good to watch because i am learning dutch words! It's just kinda sad to see an almost 20 year old watching a show that the 3 year olds are watching /: The mail man just came here, and i got 2 LETTERS TODAY?! YAY! :)) I loveeeee getting hand written letters, Probably more than messages on skype. they are more personal, and i really enjoy writing back. Today's letters were from Dama And Mimi! Thank you for the cards guys! I love them. They make me soo happy. Mimi said she sent me a "care package" and it should be here sometime this week! I can't wait :) lol I haven't gotten a package yet so this is exciting for me! Eduard just arrived home from the store. Yas won't be home until later. Lennard has SOOO MUCH TO SAY! and he talks to me any chance he gets, but.. i don't know what he's saying because he only speaks dutch. So, it's like i have to smile and nod! and be like Yeaaaa! woo lets go play! :D hahah and everything is cool.
Yesterday we went to the market that they have in the city on Fridays. It's like an American farmers market! It's nice. Friday they have a little one, and on Saturday's they have the biiiggg one! Before we went to the market, we went to the circus! As weird as that sounds. I don't like circus' I've decided. We didn't go see the show, because than you had to pay like $15 a person. Lame, so we went and you get to go walk around and see all the animals and pet them! It was fun, the babies LOVED it. Merlijn's favorite animal is a horse, or a "Paard"" and they had all the "LEGENDARY DUTCH HORSES" lol Not really as exciting as i thought they would be but the kids were stoked! There were camels, and monkeys, a giraffe, tigers and cows. Some Zebras, some dogs.. annnd elephants :) Those are my favorites. and we got to go see them. It makes me sad because of how they treat them. You know they aren't happy /: They looked sad. and they like any attention from anyone. Not to mention they are probably freezing their banana's off!! Lol After the circus came the farmers market! We went and walked around and got Hot fresh stroopwafels. and for those of you who don't know what they are.. You need to find out. I could eat them till the cows come home. We walked and looked at all the clothes they sell, and fabrics. Then the bread, produce, and seafood part! That was my favorite.
Since i've been cooking a lot i got excited! I was like hmm i wonder what i can get to make for this week! Some old man got caught trying to take some bread, he was trying to eat it right in front of the guy hahah It reminded me of Aladdin? We got something called Lekkerebeks. Which is fish and chips without the chips part. They were SO good. Lol Fresh and just made right in front of us! I was diggin it. Then came home and was chillin for the rest of the night :) I can't wait to write Mimi and Dama back! I'm excited. I'm gonna go get some stationary this week hopefully, and be able to write everyone in nice paper, instead of the stuff I've been using.. Which is like pages of my sketchbook, annddd anything else i can find lol i'm tired of not writing on Lined paper?! It's driving me craazzzyyyy. The rain has been pretty bad today. The past few days have been sooo beautiful. The weather has been gorgeous, and sunny and clear skies and ughh. I've been loving it. I actually got some color :) It was nice. Eduard, Yasmine, Merlijn, Morris and muself all went to the beach! I was so excited, we had to drive through Den Haag to get there and i got to see the city. It was nice! Lots of different people there, and it had a new vibe. I liked it. We went to Scheveningen which i learned was one of the most famous beaches in Holland, and it was very nice. 
The water there is from the North Sea, which surrounds the UK and Ireland. It was the coldest water i have ever felt. Did that stop me from walking around in it? Nope. haha It was nice. The beaches are nothing like California beaches. The water is colder, the sand is more like dirt and sand, i can't really explain it. And there are many many many shells and rocks on the shore because the waters are so stormy. I thought it was cool! We went to this little place for lunch, and i had my first burger here in Europe, and everyone was right! The beef does taste different! They don't shoot their cows up with hormones like we do in the states. Surprisingly it kinda tasted like ham? Hence hamburger maybe? Idk. But it was really good! I'm cooking tonight, i think I'm gonna make taquitos ;) mmmmm! So bomb lol And Spanish rice anddd guacamole! So excited :) Anyhoo. I'm gonna leave to go to the bakery! Gotta go get some bread and shtuffs. Have a good day everyone! <3
P.S... Also, you guys need to listen to Moss! Do it Do it Do it! -----------------------------------------------------> MOSS' Myspace Music page! <3 Check em out! And the new pictures i posted on facebook!
XOXOGINA
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