It's Monday. Late afternoon, and I'm sitting in my room watching the sun shine through the palm fronds, as it makes shapes on my floor through my balcony doors. I just got home about 2 hours ago from my adventure in Los Angeles this weekend, with my wonderful sister Adriana. :D I really had a very good time. I got to spend time with my favorite person, and I also had the opportunity to meet a lot of new faces; Some who i can see will be great friends. This weekend opened up another window for me. It let me see things that i had never previously considered, in a new light. I have been so stressed since i got home; Worrying about Jobs, and school.. and this arm business. But this weekend i finally got to relax. LA feels like home to me. But so does San Diego, and the Desert. It might be because Adriana's there, but whatever the reason being, I was in my element with some good people.
this week, I am going to be getting everything straightened out with my car. So, hopefully, I am going to be able to go out and be productive! By looking for a job, and finally having my freedom back. I never really lost it, it's just difficult to rely on everyone else for rides. That drives me crazy. I hate when people drive me! hahah I get super antsy. I know.. It's a control problem, which i am trying to control!
It's not Monday afternoon anymore. It's Tuesday night. I stopped writing for whatever reason, but here i am! I've been home practically all day today. But i had a lot of work to do. I'm trying to make extra money here and there since I don't have a job at the moment. Writing papers, and working on shoes. I need a job. I'd enlist, but they wouldn't take me because my eyes are so terrible. Now that i have a bionic arm, they REALLY won't take me. Talking about long term commitments though, I have been considering making one. But something more serious in terms of a career. That's something I'm gonna keep to myself until i figure it out. As soon as i say it, everyone going to go crazy.. That i know for sure. I can see it now! Everyone getting their hope up. We'll see how it plays out :) For now I'm just letting it happen.
I'm listening to Wolves in the Garden, by The Deadly Syndrome, And i was just sitting and thinking while it was playing. This song reminds me of my time in Paris.. Walking through the empty dark streets as the sun was slowly disappearing. Clueless as to where i was, but so comfortable. It reminds me of my last few weeks of the previous year, and about someone. There's something about the song.. "..I feel like i should tell you, there, there were wolves there yesterday. We walked and i said nothing. I didn't want to hurt the mood. I know we can't out run them; but the flowers smell so good." I wouldn't really know how to express to you WHY that particular segment eats at me, but it does.. That whole song does. It's very, I don't know.. It's very bittersweet. Everyone finds different meanings in different things. And this song breaks my heart EVERY.TIME.i hear it.. And yet, i cannot stop listening to it.. There is another song i can't get out of my head today. I heard it 2 weeks ago, not for the first time.. But ever since that moment it hasn't left my head. The coincidentally.. Someone sent it to me today. A song from a knife salesman to his wife on their wedding day. It's beautiful. In a very strange way. Listenener is one of my favorites. Not for everyone. But for me. If you DO read this.. Click the link. Listen to the words. and Just think about it. I want something like that. I know I'm young, but i can only hope.
"well darlin this is it, and I'm not a complicated person
you're all I've got, and I mean you're all I'll ever need
just like you are, you look like you could use these open arms
with these broken arms, I'll try and hold you all together
you spun the wheels, on this rusty heart, & I'll never be the same
and we're no accident, though sometimes we won't survive the crash
I'll be your ambulance"
Something like that ^^