Tuesday, May 24, 2011

A Movable Feast

At what point in ones life, does the fun stop? and the even bigger question here is; WHY does it stop? As one gets older, and less oblivious, certain aspects of life emerge that we've never seen before. Primarily because we were too young, and ignorant to notice said things, but also because we didn't know what those aspects were before. An incredibly brilliant man, and probably my favorite literary writers, Ernest Hemingway once wrote an excerpt on F. Scott Fitzgerald for his own memoir. The relationship that Fitzgerald, and Hemingway shared was a tad erratic. He has been savaged as a jealous ingrate for his description of Fitzgerald in his memoir, A Movable Feast. However, despite the picture that emerges of Fitzgerald as erratic and insecure, I believe the love and respect Hemingway held for the slightly older writer comes through.. 

Hemingway wrote, "His talent was as natural as the pattern that was made by the dust on a butterfly's wings. At one time he understood it no more than the butterfly did and he did not know when it was brushed or marred. Later he became conscious of his damaged wings and of their construction and he learned to think and could not fly any more because the love of flight was gone and he could only remember when it had been effortless."

If you think about it, what Hemingway said was on the money. Ignorance is bliss.. When one does not know how things are supposed to be, they are not a good judge of right and wrong, correct? As a child you're learning everyday.. And as you get older, you have your parents, and teachers, and other adults there to help guide you along your trip to adult-hood. They are there to teach you right and wrong, to show you how to function as a productive individual, and set up the ground layers for you to build your foundation on! Everything when you're little is wonderful! But now, me not being so little anymore, I wake up everyday, with some sort of new challenge! Some days are fantastic, some days are terrible, and it's just an endless cycle.. You hear all the time, when people notice you're in a bad mood, " Shit happens!" or, "That's life!" But i'm tired of hearing that.. What is there for people to do to change that? To make it so that every day you wake up is a wonderful day? Does it have to do with your job? Does it have to do with your outlook on life? With family? with friends? I know it's a mesh of all of the factors listed above. It's pretty hard to not have one without the other, but.. What is the epicenter of the problem? 

I believe it has to do with you own personal outlook on life.. I've been enlightened recently! And i'm happy to announce that. When i look back on the past, year or so for myself, it's been insane. From college and working in California, to Living and traveling around Europe! Then the accident, then coming back to California, and starting all over with this new challenge (My arm) that just so happens to be permanently connected to my person. (Well, I'm about ready to cut if off so we'll see how that goes HAHA!) And Now i'm moved out of Murrieta, and working and trying to start over, and make a name for myself in another new city! So i'm stoked! And I've been waking up like that everyday.. Excited, and ready to go to work, and then whatever else happens throughout the day happens! But I've been welcoming it.. And the happier I am, the more I notice how miserable a lot of people are around me! WHY IS THAT?! I talked to a woman the other day, who when she saw me I smiled at her.. She looked at me and went, "What are you so happy for? Comin' in here all smiley!" I told her I was just in a good mood, and she said "Yeaaa.. Well you obviously have a lot of grow'n to do. You won't be happy when you're 40 baby." 

I don't really know why, but that really bothered me! I want to be happy when i'm 40! I don't wanna be like her! Every man/woman's life ends the same way.. It's only the details of how they lived, and how they died that sets them apart!=. I want MY own person difference, to be astronomical. I want to wake up knowing that I'm not wasting my day, or my time, or my life! Which, is sll pretty much all be the same thing. Furthermore, I don't want to waste any of it! Nor do I want any of you to waste it. Time is a beautiful thing, and you only get once chance to really.. LIVE. So do it! Go live. Go be happy.. Do what makes you happy, not what makes other people happy. 

I've found a new way of looking at everything.. I'm starting to look at everything, and anything, as if i'm seeing it for the first time. Surprisingly, it's working out wonderfully. It puts a lot of excitement back into things for me! For a while everything was getting pretty bland, and boring , and drab. But, not anymore.. Look at everything as if you've never seen it before. Learn to appreciate every little thing, no matter how inconsequent. No matter how insignificant you once thought it was, try and find the beauty in it. Stop focusing on the negatives, and learn to appreciate the positives for what they are..  I know this was kinda random, But i've just been dealing with a lot of negative ass people this week! I'm tired of it. I fixed myself, now it's time for everyone else to see that they can fix the problem, too! 

It's 1:30 am, and I should be asleep, but.. Surprise, Surprise.. I'm not. I think i'm gonna shower then bed. I have an interview at the Cheesecake Factory tomorrow! So that would be a cool 2nd job :) Anyway.. I'm gonna try and go to bed now. Got a lot to look forward to this week, and for the rest of the month! 
Have a good day/ Night you guys!
<3 XO

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